Here Lies Pierce Hawthorne

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This is a piece of fan fiction I wrote about the NBC sitcom ‘Community’. I got the idea after Chevy Chase announced he would be leaving. This is the ending I would want to see for the show. – WrathofShaw

Enter JEFF. He is walking up a hill in a grave yard. He is all alone. He stops once he reaches a small tombstone that is isolated from all the others. The tombstone reads ‘RIP Pierce Hawthorne (1943-2012) May flights of angles see that he is indeed streets ahead’ JEFF approaches the tombstone.

JEFF WINGER
Well, better late than never, right?

Just so you know, Annie, Britta, and Shirley and the others did everything they could to get me to come to the service. So don’t blame them. I didn’t come because I didn’t want to.

I’m not even sure what I’m doing here now. Am I supposed to pay my respects or something? Let me guess, this is the part where I’m supposed to make some all-inspiring speech that motivates everyone, and serves as a summation of the events that just transpired? The speech that wraps it all up, making everyone happy, and making everything all right. Well no one’s here. Just me. Alone. What am I supposed to say about a guy whose life’s ambition was to make everyone as miserable as him?

I didn’t come to your service, Pierce, because I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction. This was just your final attempt at gaining attention. I can just imagine your twisted mindset. “Once I’m dead, then they’ll realize how much they needed me!” Same old song and dance, Pierce. Same old Pierce. I’m not buying any of it. Yet here I am.

The last one of us that ever talked to you was Annie. She was always your favourite, wasn’t she? You always treated her like some kind of princess. I suppose that’s one thing we have in common. You could have said anything to her. You could have complimented her intelligence, her charm, her boobs, but instead … “Take good care of him.” Really? Your last parting words of insanity, and just “Take good care of him” ? First off, I don’t need anyone to take “good care” of me. Second, why is it, even in death, you insist on butting in my life? Ever since we first met, you’ve always been lurking over my shoulder like some kind of geriatric shadow. You did everything from tricking me into being your Spanish partner, to making me believe my own father would give enough of a damn to come back and … what do you even care? Did you just want to be friends, is that it? Is that why tried so damn hard? No family of your own would put up with you, so you just clung on to me, was that it? Did you ever stop and think that –

STRANGER approaches beside JEFF, interrupts him

STRANGER
If you keep asking that lump of dirt questions expecting it to respond, people are going to start thinking you’re crazier than the guy underneath it.

JEFF
Um, excuse me buddy, I’m trying to pay my respects here.

STRANGER
Your respects? Remind me to never insult you.

JEFF
I’m just trying to have some alone time here… I guess.

STRANGER
That’s why I came here, too. How was the service?

JEFF
I didn’t go.

STRANGER
I see. I didn’t either. Might sound crazy, but when I first heard of his passing I kinda just thought of it as being his last cry for attention. Might have been the one thing he ever got right.

JEFF
That’s… actually not such a crazy thought at all. Think that makes us bad people?

STRANGER
Well we came back, didn’t we?

JEFF
You have a point.

STRANGER
Besides, it’s not everyday that you say good bye to a family member, even if it was one that was never much of a family.

JEFF
Family, eh? Were you close?

STRANGER
Not as close as brothers should be, I suppose.

JEFF
Whoa! Wait, your Pierce’s brother?

STRANGER
Half brother, technically. Same father. He was notorious for sleeping around.

JEFF
So I’m told.

STRANGER
He abandoned my mother after I was born to go start his business. That’s what he said, at least. We found out later he already had a wife and a child. I’d bet I’m not the only bastard out their, either.

JEFF
Believe me, you’re not.

STRANGER
When Pierce found out about me, he did everything he could to get close. He kept trying to make amends between our family as if it were somehow his fault. Full of angst, I never really gave him the time of day. It’s pretty selfish of me, I know.

JEFF
I think I understand, actually.

STRANGER
Did you know him well?

JEFF
I let him terrorize the last four years of my life.

STRANGER
My condolences.

JEFF
But those memories are just about the only memories I have of him. I guess there’s no harm in hanging on to them, you think?

STRANGER
Suit yourself. Sad thing is though, as much as I may have denied it, Pierce and I had a lot in common.

JEFF
Really?

STRANGER
We both did things we weren’t proud of. Made decisions we wished we could take back. We were both alone. Biggest difference between the two of – he tried to fix it. He tried to make us closer, but I turned him a way. All he wanted was family, but I didn’t. I may not have wanted family, but I didn’t know at the time how much I sure as hell needed it.

JEFF
What? No wife? Kids?

STRANGER
A long time ago. All in the past. Mistakes were made that I’d kill to make amends. What about you, son?

JEFF
Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m kinda in between girlfriends at the moment, but I might have really screwed that up. The main reason I came here was to try and fix that. She wanted me to come to the service, but I couldn’t. I hoped that coming here might give me some answers or something.

STRANGER
Well it sounds like you might be on the right track. Anyways, I didn’t mean to interrupt you here in your little… discussion with Pierce. I’m just gonna head home, I think. Maybe I’ll come back next week. See you around.

JEFF
Yeah… see you.

{silence – cue At Least It was Here; The 88 quietly playing in the background, slowly increasing in volume}

JEFF
Hey! Hey, Mr. Hawthorn! Wait up… I think… I think I’m done here.

STRANGER
You sure?

JEFF
Yeah. Yeah, I am. I was wondering if you wanted to, maybe, I dunno, have a chat over coffee or something? We could just… Okay, I’m doing a terrible job at making this not sound like a date, but do you want to hang out for a little while, I guess?

STRANGER

{pauses} Whether call it a date or not, I guess neither of us is in the position to discriminate against company, right?

JEFF
That’s my logic.

STRANGER
Well, in that case, sure. I know place. Oh, and by the way, I dropped the Hawthorne name ages ago. Call me Winger.

-credits-

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